I’m having a lot of day-job-related stress lately. I’ve had a lot of new things thrown at me in the past week or two, and there’s been a pretty steep learning curve. So far I think I’ve handled it with outward aplomb, but inside I feel like I’ve come close to a panic attack a couple of times. I think I’m being given a test. If I succeed with this new project, it might open the door to more (and hopefully better paying) work. And if nothing else, pride will make me figure this out, just to avoid humiliation.
It’s a tricky thing, day jobs. Money is always helpful, but when you are pursuing artistic goals you have to find the kind of work that lets you pursue those goals while still helping you pay your bills. I’ve found work that I like, and that affords me great flexibility for things like auditions, but the cash flow is erratic. It’s been stressful. But I’m still of the mindset that my big break is just around the corner. Perhaps not the healthiest attitude when you’re forty years old, but there it is. There’s nothing else I want to do, so I’m gonna keep pushing at this until I make it, or it breaks me. I’m really not qualified to do anything else.