I got laid off from my last full time job about sixteen months ago. It was not a huge surprise when it happened; things had been decaying for some time, and I had less and less to do, and then word came down that the Chicago office would be closing. The writing was spray-painted all over the wall in ten-foot-tall neon letters. But I stuck it out until one Friday evening I received an email letting me know my services were no longer needed. I stopped by the office the next Monday to pick up my personal effects and drop off my keys. I said goodbye to the friends I still had there (most of whom would be gone in the next few months as well), and then I was done. It was a relief to be free from the souring atmosphere that had taken over the place, but at the same time I was sad to lose what had, at one time, been the best day job I’d ever had.

My search for full time work over the last year or so has been unfruitful. I have been looking. Really. I have. But I worry that I am failing to hide one major fact about me that would almost certainly make any potential employer thing twice about hiring me: I don’t actually want another full time job.

Let me clarify: I don’t want to need another full time job. In the past year I’ve found more time to write. I’ve been able to go out on auditions for commercials and voice over work. I’ve been able to focus more on my career, since I haven’t had a job to distract me from it. Not that it’s paid off yet. The bills are piling up. But I can’t shake the feeling that something is right there, just around the corner.

I’ve found some work. I’ve got a “very part time” gig that helps a little, and it’s at least in the theatre industry, if not the creative side of it. And I recorded my first professional voice over gig a few weeks ago. It’s oddly comforting to know that someone somewhere out there owes you money. A dozen or so more of those and I’ll start feeling comfortable again.

I have a list of artistic projects in the hopper, all of which I’m very excited about. I just need to find one that will help out with the mortgage.