I am not proud of the doughnuts.

About two months ago this guy I know, Aaron, posted a thing on Facebook. It was one of those blanket statements, something along the lines of, “Eat better. Exercise more. It’s that simple.” I don’t know what prompted him to post that. I know I hadn’t asked. Feeling surly, I commented, “Spoken like a man who knows how to do such things.” That’ll show him, I thought. Instead, I got a message from him informing me that, “We’re gonna do this.” Next thing I know, I’m keeping a food journal. After the first few days I met him for coffee. We looked at what I’d been eating and he made a few observations.

“It doesn’t look like you do a lot of cooking at home,” he noted. I had to admit it was true. He also noted with clear revulsion that I drink an alarming amount of soda. “But at least it’s all diet,” I tried to argue, but he would have none of it. The Number One thing to keep in mind about soda manufacturers and fast food chains, he told me, is that they are actively trying to kill you, and make you pay for it.

What about exercise, he wondered? I told him I walk a lot. And I tend to get cast in plays where I have to be very active. Lots of fighting and lifting heavy things and running around. That sort of thing. All fine, he said, but it’s time to kick it into gear. Now I’m up most mornings power-walking, stopping off at a playground to do push-ups, crunches, dips, squats, and attempts at pull-ups. It’s gonna be a while before I can do a pull-up. But I finish most of these morning routines nice and sweaty, and I’m usually a little sore in all the right places by the end of the day. I have slacked off a day or two here and there, but I’m at the point where I feel antsy if I haven’t gotten my heart rate up in a while.

The diet continues to confound me. I have a homemade smoothie every day (made from an apple, some blueberries and strawberries, a spoonful of orange juice concentrate, and a handful of fresh spinach), and I think that alone has made me feel generally better. I have been pretty good about not going crazy when I eat out, but I could do better. I still drink soda, but I’m gradually scaling back. It’s the caffeine withdrawal that makes it difficult, but also… damn. I love soda. And I need to stop having mornings like today, when for no good reason I decided fuck it all, let’s get some doughnuts.

When I’ve done one bad thing (like have some doughnuts), I tend to think, “Oh well. This day’s shot. Might as well make the most of it,” and go on a binge. But I’m at a point now where having something like doughnuts actually has an immediate and unpleasant effect on me. I consider this a good thing. It’s like my body is saying to me, “Aw, come on, man! We were finally working things out!” So right now, I kinda feel like crap, because of those doughnuts. So for the rest of the day I should be good to go, because I certainly don’t want to extend this vague nausea-headache combo any longer than I have to.

I’m down almost ten pounds, although I’m not really supposed to worry about the numbers too much. Aaron says it’s all about finding what works best for me. So far, I’m a fan of the smoothies. And so help me, I’m gonna do a pull-up if it kills me.