Tremble, all ye who behold: The Spawn of Direnerd!
My good friends Dan and Vicky have reproduced! Let’s all say Hey There! to Novella Violet Telfer. O Happy Day!
I take particular pride in this momentous occasion, as I am entirely, one hundred percent responsible for it. As many of you know, I had the privilege of officiating the Telfer-Kallay wedding, an accomplishment in which I take no small amount of pride. So you see, that right there? You can thank me later. This thing here? Check it, yo. I do good work. I frakin’ RULE.
I kid, of course. I am incredibly happy for my friends, and I can’t wait to meet the latest edition to their family. Pa Telfer reports that Novella arrived yesterday afternoon, weighing in at eight pounds, two ounces, and measuring twenty-one inches.
Both mom and daughter are doing “awesome.”