I have a mustache. It is truly awful.
I had to grow it for this show I’m working on. It’s not the first time I’ve had to alter my facial hair for a show. I’ve grown big bushy beards and sharp, sinister goatees. I even shaved my whole head once. But this is the first time I’ve looked in a mirror and did not recognize the person staring back at me. I am uncomfortable in my own skin. I keeping thinking people are staring at me when I’m not looking. It’s physically disorienting. Yesterday I left the house without my keys and didn’t know it until I got to work and found an e-mail from my wife telling me to meet her on my way home so I can pick them up. I must not have even thought about locking the door behind me when I left.
Everyone assures me that the mustache looks all right. I think they are just being nice, because they can see the haunted look in my eyes. I’ve got two more months with this thing. I hope I make it.
Oh, and Happy New Year. Did you have a nice holiday? I barely noticed mine.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA…
…*sigh*
Douchebag.
I haven’t seen it yet, but I promise you it looks horrible.
It’s cool that your hair is mostly brown but your facial hair is red, but you plus a moustache? No. I won’t lie to your face like so many “friends”.
You aren’t, by any chance, wearing a sailors hat and buttless leather chaps for this role, too…are you?
No, but I do sport a jaunty Cockney accent.
I never get stares when I try to grow a moustache. Instead, people squint and tell me I have something on my upper lip.
You could use this opportunity to make people uncomfortable. Sit down near them and ask them if they have enough insurance.
Wow. Guys are douchebags.
I bet your friends would laugh at you if you too if YOU had to grow a moustache.
It’s worth mentioning that my upper lip has exactly 4 follicles, and I am probably just jealous.
No, with us ladies it’s different. We’re very supportive to the girl’s face, telling her it’s fine, she’s brave, it actually looks good, etc. Once she left the room, the conversation would go something like this:
“Oh my god, can you believe she has to grow a mustache?”
“I KNOW. It’s awful. It looks so bad.”
“I wouldn’t grow one if even if they PAID me.”
“Damn straight, sister.”
“But did you see her shoes….ADORABLE!”
That way, no drunken wrestling upon the ground until the vase you got for your wedding from Aunt Mary gets knocked off the table and shatters into a million, zillion pieces. 🙂
Well now that you mention is, Chris does have adorable shoes. To die for. And that shirt. Did you see that shirt? And did you see that moustache?
I think chris’s shoes are adorable. And the stache? It gives good hand jobs.
OH! On the bright side you totally get to use the word “mustachioed” like every day. “Why, I’m the only mustachioed man in the room! Stuff and nonsense! It makes a gentlemen simply huffy. Where’s my mustache wax? I must curl the ends of my mustache more! More!”